In the year two thousand one hundred and five, Timmy made an amazing discovery. Timmy was an average teenager living in the midst of a very cruel world. He had ventured into the poorer part of town in the pursuit of adventure. He wanted to alleviate his intense boredom.
There were only a few parts of town that one could describe as truly “outdoors”. It was very dangerous to be in these places for any length of time.
Timmy was foraging in some rubble that had probably been a place of residence in the twentieth or twenty first centuries. All of a sudden he could feel something solid under the ground. It felt soft on the surface.
In a frenzy, Timmy began to dig into the ground with his hands. It was not long before he pulled a leather bound hard cover book from the ground. This was pretty exciting. It was like he was making a discovery. Maybe he would even uncover something from a different time. A broad smile crept into his pale, spotty face.
Timmy quickly brushed the dirt off the cover of the book. The brown leather binding had become very soft in the damp earth. The binding gave no clue as to the contents of the book. Timmy would have to look inside.
Upon opening the cover, Timmy became very disappointed. There were pages of notes, but the title at the top of the first page simply read “Bible”. Timmy had seen bibles before and they were boring. It was all religious stuff that his family didn’t believe in. For that matter, it wouldn’t even have mattered if Timmy’s family did believe in religion because he sure didn’t. Not only was it boring, but to Timmy it was all just a way of controlling people with guilt. Timmy’s excitement had dissipated. Back to the mundane.
Now Timmy was about to close the book. He was about to give up the story of his life. Not his life, but the best story he would probably ever read.
He hesitated slightly. The book didn’t look like an ordinary bible. Maybe he had been too quick to dismiss it. He decided to read one page. If it really was just another version of the bible he would throw it away. He sat down and began to read.
…never thought that it would come to this. Don’t think that this is some fairy story. Don’t you dare think that. I’ve worked long and hard at trying to get this together and you’d better appreciate it.
Let me introduce myself; as if an introduction is really necessary. I may be just a man to the people of this world but this is all just an illusion. I am God. Now don’t do that! Do not close this book! I am God and you will see why. If you continue to read through these pages, you will discover the secret of the universe.
It all began when I was a child. I wasn’t very popular at school. Often, I would traverse the playground on my own, my thoughts very much in tune with my imagination. I know what you think. You say that thought and imagination are the same. Not so. You will see why shortly.
Anyway, I’m getting off the point now. To put it bluntly, I was alone for most of my free time at school. I tried to involve myself in the games that were played. But to no avail. I was overlooked because I was not wanted. It’s as simple as that.
Take for example a game of football. Yes, football was still played quite often in the eighties. What do you mean which century? Oh, it was two thousand and three when I began school. Anyway, I would try to join a game of football. I wasn’t outwardly rejected. I was left out more insidiously by being ignored. No one would pass the ball to me. I was just overlooked quite intentionally. This didn’t help my confidence.
All this time in the playground alone made me think. It was the same for school camps. I just spent quite a lot of time wandering around on my own, hearing the gleeful voices around me as the other children played with each other. It was during one of these school camps that the road to finding out who I was, and my purpose, began. It was then that I heard them for the first time. The voices.
Now I know exactly what you’re thinking. You think that I have some sort of a mental disorder. Well you can think anything you like. It doesn’t bother me. I am God. I know who I am. I don’t need your approval. Anyway, I know who you are and I can be a vengeful God.
Getting back to the point, the voices began to fill me in. They told me that I was special and that, subject to me passing several tests, I would finally know who I am. They gave me the impression that I was some sort of super being. It was then that the dreams began. In my dreams, I began to fly.
Is this going too fast for you? Okay, I’ll give you an example.
Imagine yourself in the middle of a busy city. People are walking around you. Some are hurrying. All are mostly in their own worlds. You walk along with them, knowing that you are superior. All of a sudden you are removed from their world. You are riding on a bed of air. You are above the world. You are flying.
The sense of freedom is overwhelming. You move along effortlessly. You can start at a constant speed. Then you can accelerate. You move faster. You accelerate again. Faster. Buildings are a blur to the right. You look left. Buildings are a blur.
Then you slow down. You reach a cruising speed and blissfully float on a bed of air with the world beneath you and the sky above you. You float at a sleepy pace as you let your body rotate around and around. Just the mere fact that you are flying with the strength of your own body fills you with awe. Anyone can fly in a machine or with a backpack. Anyone can float above the ground with rocket boots. But you are flying without any technological assistance. The capacity to fly is within you. The flight emanates from the self. You are simply a superior being.
Confidence rises in your blood. The emotion is one of ecstasy. Then you….
I can tell you reader, that the disappointment is overwhelming. Dreams can do that to you.
The disappointment didn’t last that long. The voices assured me that something would happen. That, once I had passed all of the tests, something wonderful would happen. My body would begin to change. I would become the superior being that I am now. Then my dreams would become a reality.
I’ll have to interrupt this little tale for a minute, but I’ll keep the video running so that you know what’s going on. I’ll write the whole thing up later. Just to give you some context, I’ll quickly explain the background.
You can see that I’m driving a silver late nineties Honda Civic automatic with air conditioning. You can also see that I’m driving along a narrow stretch of tarred country road. You don’t need to know which country or city. It doesn’t matter much to me because soon the belief in me will spread across the world and everything will be the same worldwide. There will be no more need for national or international borders.
Don’t ask me why I’ve picked a country road. Actually, it’s pretty obvious. You may also want to know how I can afford a late model Honda Civic with air conditioning. Look, the air conditioning was free and so was the car. The owner doesn’t mind. You see, I explained to him, through actions rather than words, that I am God. He is now with my angels in heaven.
On either side of me are grassy fields with cows and horses grazing. The reason why I have to cut this short for the moment is that there is a service station up ahead. I need fuel and food. The food will not be the kind you would like to eat. After all, you are human and I am God. For me, it will be food for thought. For you to learn from. That is all.
If you haven’t worked it out yet, you are reading my bible. Remember, the stories in the bible are for your benefit so that you can learn something. Each story has a moral, so pay attention.
I will now record the next course of events in a more biblical style. I may have to edit this bible a bit before I let you read it. I guess that’s because I haven’t got a consistent style yet.
And God travelled with silver chariot towards the sinners. The fornicators have placed a sign next to their abode. It reads “Caltex”. There are no other chariots there.
God accompanied the chariot until it rested next to the liquid filth that is contained in the ground and makes the chariots move. The filth is drawn from the ground through a hose. God stands next to the monstrosity to which the hose is attached. The filth is destroying the world. The sinners must die.
God visited the sinners with fury. When they saw the face of God, he smote them, spilling their blood and dismembering them. Then he destroyed their abode. The filth in the abode was destroyed.
And God looked upon his work and he saw that it was good.
For those of you who want the non-biblical version, I’ve got that for you too. The video will also service as evidence of my vengeance.
Some people think that I am a murder, but I am not. I am God.
Timmy was engrossed, but he stopped reading to check the book again. What video was it referring to? Perhaps the video was still buried in the ground. Anyway, he would find it later. He read on…
Timmy had forgotten that he was in a very rough part of the city. The story ended abruptly for him. His attackers didn’t care much for stories. They threw the book away and took Timmy home for dinner. They would feast tonight.
The Earth had become too crowded. Food was scarce.